Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
