i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize