its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
