My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
