he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I love black thongs
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
