You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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