We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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