yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
