Umm I'm too high to move.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
