he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
