i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Someone signed my nipple.
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