So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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