I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
