Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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