I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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