Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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