before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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