dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
pop tarts are not kleenex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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