thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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