Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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