Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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