i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
