no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
