East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
