now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize