does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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