Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
