oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
