Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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