Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
