I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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