I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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