I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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