Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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