Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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