So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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