12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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