3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
