grandma shit on top of the toilet
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
not ubering you a puppy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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