i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
