First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
