i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
