i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
