Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
false alarm, still single
Randomize
