I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
