I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
