dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize