tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I know her cup size but not her name....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
