Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
