I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
