just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
