farters have to be the big spoon...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
