she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
