i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
