you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
