I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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