The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
