dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
