just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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