sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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