Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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