theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am one with the molecules
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize