You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
